Well, we finally had to do it. Grandpa is now a resident of a memory care facility not too far away from us. We kept him in his own home as long as we could, employing a live in caregiver, a couple of day time care givers, visiting nurses and other therapists. I had him at my house several days a week, along with my two and half year old grand daughter for whom I care for as well. At this time, Grandpa's requirements have now surpassed our ability to care for him properly, and providing for his needs in his own home was beginning to take its toll on our family, emotionally and financially. Of course we feel guilty as anything. He has done so much for our family, so much for our country–it is so hard not to give him his wishes for the last months or years he has on earth.
What is making things more difficult is that he doesn't want to be there at all. "Take me home" are the words we are greeted with when we go to visit. He even goes so far as to pack his overnight bag and put it on his bed, all ready to go. Every day, he is ready to leave at a moment's notice. It is too sad. The facility is lovely, the staff are amazing, lots of activities and attention for him, and the food is even ok. We are working closely with the staff to "tweak" his care and experiences so that he will be happier.
We are in the early days here, so hopefully he will adjust in time. I know many of you must have gone through this with your parents. Does it get better?
123 responses to “Things Change”
Yes, it does get better. My mother and father moved in with us when my dad had Alzheimers. Our intent was to care for him in our home, which we did for years. There came a time when we could no longer provide the care he needed and had to place him in a home. It was the hardest thing my mother ever did. My father had lost his speech by that time and he would sit by himself with tears in his eyes during those first days. OK, so I said it would get better, right? Within a week my father was very happy in the home due to the constant companionship, activities and very frequent visits from family, which I believe is key. His health improved dramatically due to the constant medical care he received. When he entered the home he was only expected to live about a month, but he gained his strength lived for another year So, yes, it does get better but my heart aches for you because the transition is tough on everyone.
Carolyn
Yes, it does get better. My mother and father moved in with us when my dad had Alzheimers. Our intent was to care for him in our home, which we did for years. There came a time when we could no longer provide the care he needed and had to place him in a home. It was the hardest thing my mother ever did. My father had lost his speech by that time and he would sit by himself with tears in his eyes during those first days. OK, so I said it would get better, right? Within a week my father was very happy in the home due to the constant companionship, activities and very frequent visits from family, which I believe is key. His health improved dramatically due to the constant medical care he received. When he entered the home he was only expected to live about a month, but he gained his strength lived for another year So, yes, it does get better but my heart aches for you because the transition is tough on everyone.
Carolyn
Yes, it does get better. My mother and father moved in with us when my dad had Alzheimers. Our intent was to care for him in our home, which we did for years. There came a time when we could no longer provide the care he needed and had to place him in a home. It was the hardest thing my mother ever did. My father had lost his speech by that time and he would sit by himself with tears in his eyes during those first days. OK, so I said it would get better, right? Within a week my father was very happy in the home due to the constant companionship, activities and very frequent visits from family, which I believe is key. His health improved dramatically due to the constant medical care he received. When he entered the home he was only expected to live about a month, but he gained his strength lived for another year So, yes, it does get better but my heart aches for you because the transition is tough on everyone.
Carolyn
Hugs to you.
Hugs to you.
Hugs to you.
Don’t you dare feel guilty because my goodness, you did the very best you could for as long as you could and that’s all any of us can do!! All your decisions have been made out of love, even this one and yes, it will get better..for him and for you. Hang in there and give everything some time. Just continue to love him like you have and hugs.
Don’t you dare feel guilty because my goodness, you did the very best you could for as long as you could and that’s all any of us can do!! All your decisions have been made out of love, even this one and yes, it will get better..for him and for you. Hang in there and give everything some time. Just continue to love him like you have and hugs.
Don’t you dare feel guilty because my goodness, you did the very best you could for as long as you could and that’s all any of us can do!! All your decisions have been made out of love, even this one and yes, it will get better..for him and for you. Hang in there and give everything some time. Just continue to love him like you have and hugs.
I am really sorry you are having to experience this. Tough days and emotions, but you are doing the right thing, and he will be better, better!!
I am really sorry you are having to experience this. Tough days and emotions, but you are doing the right thing, and he will be better, better!!
I am really sorry you are having to experience this. Tough days and emotions, but you are doing the right thing, and he will be better, better!!
Yes, it does get better. I went through a similar experience when I had to place my father in a nursing home/memory care facility. His ‘new’ home will become the norm for him soon.
I know how heartbreaking it is for you when you go to visit and all he wants to do is go home.
Yes, it does get better. I went through a similar experience when I had to place my father in a nursing home/memory care facility. His ‘new’ home will become the norm for him soon.
I know how heartbreaking it is for you when you go to visit and all he wants to do is go home.
Yes, it does get better. I went through a similar experience when I had to place my father in a nursing home/memory care facility. His ‘new’ home will become the norm for him soon.
I know how heartbreaking it is for you when you go to visit and all he wants to do is go home.
Yes, Nicole it does get easier. I was able to keep my parents at home until they died but I used to work in a care facility as an RN so I have seen what families go through. He will in time be happy there and maybe even think that he is at home. Sometimes it is a good idea to leave him for a few days to settle in before you return to visit. Please don’t feel guilty, though you probably will for a while.
Yes, Nicole it does get easier. I was able to keep my parents at home until they died but I used to work in a care facility as an RN so I have seen what families go through. He will in time be happy there and maybe even think that he is at home. Sometimes it is a good idea to leave him for a few days to settle in before you return to visit. Please don’t feel guilty, though you probably will for a while.
Yes, Nicole it does get easier. I was able to keep my parents at home until they died but I used to work in a care facility as an RN so I have seen what families go through. He will in time be happy there and maybe even think that he is at home. Sometimes it is a good idea to leave him for a few days to settle in before you return to visit. Please don’t feel guilty, though you probably will for a while.
It does get better and know that you are doing what is best not just for his care but for yourself as well. When my father went to a nursing home he kept saying, “I gotta get outta here”. It was sad, but he had cancer and it was the best place for him. Hang in there.
It does get better and know that you are doing what is best not just for his care but for yourself as well. When my father went to a nursing home he kept saying, “I gotta get outta here”. It was sad, but he had cancer and it was the best place for him. Hang in there.
It does get better and know that you are doing what is best not just for his care but for yourself as well. When my father went to a nursing home he kept saying, “I gotta get outta here”. It was sad, but he had cancer and it was the best place for him. Hang in there.
It did get better for us when I had to put Mom in assisted living due to her Alzheimer’s and the fact I lived halfway across the country at the time. Those first days she was angry and we sometimes cried together, but after a short time, she was happy with all there was to do, people to visit with, and good foods she didn’t have to cook.
I hope you can have a good talk with yourself and your sweetie because – even tho it’s hard and you wish it hadn’t been the only answer left to you – you made the best decision you could for Grandpa at this time. You know that Grandpa wouldn’t have wanted you to ruin your health (caregiving is draining) or your financial well being (also draining) to care for him. You’ve chosen a facility where he’ll be cared for, loved, entertained, be kept warm, dry, safe, and well fed. Those are the essentials. Please refuse to allow guilt to enter your thoughts. You’ve chosen wisely and with Grandpa’s best interests at heart.
Big hugs!
It did get better for us when I had to put Mom in assisted living due to her Alzheimer’s and the fact I lived halfway across the country at the time. Those first days she was angry and we sometimes cried together, but after a short time, she was happy with all there was to do, people to visit with, and good foods she didn’t have to cook.
I hope you can have a good talk with yourself and your sweetie because – even tho it’s hard and you wish it hadn’t been the only answer left to you – you made the best decision you could for Grandpa at this time. You know that Grandpa wouldn’t have wanted you to ruin your health (caregiving is draining) or your financial well being (also draining) to care for him. You’ve chosen a facility where he’ll be cared for, loved, entertained, be kept warm, dry, safe, and well fed. Those are the essentials. Please refuse to allow guilt to enter your thoughts. You’ve chosen wisely and with Grandpa’s best interests at heart.
Big hugs!
It did get better for us when I had to put Mom in assisted living due to her Alzheimer’s and the fact I lived halfway across the country at the time. Those first days she was angry and we sometimes cried together, but after a short time, she was happy with all there was to do, people to visit with, and good foods she didn’t have to cook.
I hope you can have a good talk with yourself and your sweetie because – even tho it’s hard and you wish it hadn’t been the only answer left to you – you made the best decision you could for Grandpa at this time. You know that Grandpa wouldn’t have wanted you to ruin your health (caregiving is draining) or your financial well being (also draining) to care for him. You’ve chosen a facility where he’ll be cared for, loved, entertained, be kept warm, dry, safe, and well fed. Those are the essentials. Please refuse to allow guilt to enter your thoughts. You’ve chosen wisely and with Grandpa’s best interests at heart.
Big hugs!
Oh Nicole…I’m so sorry you are going through this tough time. I understand what you mean about the guilt you feel though. My dad build a small apartment onto our home for my grandma and grandpa to live in, so that my mom could take care of grandma who was suffering from Alzheimer’s. Grandpa was totally blind but didn’t need anyone to care for him other than cooking his meals. He couldn’t however, take care of grandma as she sunk deeper in the disease. Mom and dad and I, managed to care for them for three years, before grandma’s needs also surpassed the the care we could offer her. Even though both my mother and I were both Nurses Aids trained in Geriatric care, when the time came that grandma needed constant medical care, she of course had to be moved to a nursing care facility nearby. Grandpa went to live with his daughter (he was actually my “step-grandfather”, but the only grandpa I ever knew. Point is, I remember what my mom went through emotionally when they made the hard decision to move grandma to the care facility. Mom was devastated and my heart ached for her, even though grandma was beyond knowing who anyone was. It is one of the hardest decisions some of us have to make in our lives. I will keep you and all your family in my prayers for peace and comfort. Big Hugs…
Oh Nicole…I’m so sorry you are going through this tough time. I understand what you mean about the guilt you feel though. My dad build a small apartment onto our home for my grandma and grandpa to live in, so that my mom could take care of grandma who was suffering from Alzheimer’s. Grandpa was totally blind but didn’t need anyone to care for him other than cooking his meals. He couldn’t however, take care of grandma as she sunk deeper in the disease. Mom and dad and I, managed to care for them for three years, before grandma’s needs also surpassed the the care we could offer her. Even though both my mother and I were both Nurses Aids trained in Geriatric care, when the time came that grandma needed constant medical care, she of course had to be moved to a nursing care facility nearby. Grandpa went to live with his daughter (he was actually my “step-grandfather”, but the only grandpa I ever knew. Point is, I remember what my mom went through emotionally when they made the hard decision to move grandma to the care facility. Mom was devastated and my heart ached for her, even though grandma was beyond knowing who anyone was. It is one of the hardest decisions some of us have to make in our lives. I will keep you and all your family in my prayers for peace and comfort. Big Hugs…
Oh Nicole…I’m so sorry you are going through this tough time. I understand what you mean about the guilt you feel though. My dad build a small apartment onto our home for my grandma and grandpa to live in, so that my mom could take care of grandma who was suffering from Alzheimer’s. Grandpa was totally blind but didn’t need anyone to care for him other than cooking his meals. He couldn’t however, take care of grandma as she sunk deeper in the disease. Mom and dad and I, managed to care for them for three years, before grandma’s needs also surpassed the the care we could offer her. Even though both my mother and I were both Nurses Aids trained in Geriatric care, when the time came that grandma needed constant medical care, she of course had to be moved to a nursing care facility nearby. Grandpa went to live with his daughter (he was actually my “step-grandfather”, but the only grandpa I ever knew. Point is, I remember what my mom went through emotionally when they made the hard decision to move grandma to the care facility. Mom was devastated and my heart ached for her, even though grandma was beyond knowing who anyone was. It is one of the hardest decisions some of us have to make in our lives. I will keep you and all your family in my prayers for peace and comfort. Big Hugs…
Hi Nicole,
It is sad isn’t it. My Mom is in a nursing home and I often say “20 years” to myself. We are 20 years apart in age. You have to keep then safe. I keep telling myself that. She is doing OK. They adjust for sure but I understand your guilt that is for sure. Take care of yourself too.
thinking of you a lot,
Mary
Hi Nicole,
It is sad isn’t it. My Mom is in a nursing home and I often say “20 years” to myself. We are 20 years apart in age. You have to keep then safe. I keep telling myself that. She is doing OK. They adjust for sure but I understand your guilt that is for sure. Take care of yourself too.
thinking of you a lot,
Mary
Hi Nicole,
It is sad isn’t it. My Mom is in a nursing home and I often say “20 years” to myself. We are 20 years apart in age. You have to keep then safe. I keep telling myself that. She is doing OK. They adjust for sure but I understand your guilt that is for sure. Take care of yourself too.
thinking of you a lot,
Mary
Yes, it does get better. My MIL has some form of dementia and had to move to a facility when the in-home caregivers insisted she had progressed past the point they could handle. She has been there over 2 years but still vacilates between liking it and insisting she has been at this “hotel” for “over a week” and it is time to go home. But by “home” she means her childhood home. (One issue is that she has a faulty concept of time.) Knowing that she is getting great care is a big help for her family and mitigates the guilt. She wants to be independent but no matter what, we can’t roll back the clock and make that happen again. What really helped was when she reached the point where she was used to the new routine and the people, had people to talk to, etc. It took a few weeks for that though.
Yes, it does get better. My MIL has some form of dementia and had to move to a facility when the in-home caregivers insisted she had progressed past the point they could handle. She has been there over 2 years but still vacilates between liking it and insisting she has been at this “hotel” for “over a week” and it is time to go home. But by “home” she means her childhood home. (One issue is that she has a faulty concept of time.) Knowing that she is getting great care is a big help for her family and mitigates the guilt. She wants to be independent but no matter what, we can’t roll back the clock and make that happen again. What really helped was when she reached the point where she was used to the new routine and the people, had people to talk to, etc. It took a few weeks for that though.
Yes, it does get better. My MIL has some form of dementia and had to move to a facility when the in-home caregivers insisted she had progressed past the point they could handle. She has been there over 2 years but still vacilates between liking it and insisting she has been at this “hotel” for “over a week” and it is time to go home. But by “home” she means her childhood home. (One issue is that she has a faulty concept of time.) Knowing that she is getting great care is a big help for her family and mitigates the guilt. She wants to be independent but no matter what, we can’t roll back the clock and make that happen again. What really helped was when she reached the point where she was used to the new routine and the people, had people to talk to, etc. It took a few weeks for that though.
It is such a hard decision but yes it will get better. hang in there.
It is such a hard decision but yes it will get better. hang in there.
It is such a hard decision but yes it will get better. hang in there.
I’m sorry, I know this was a tough decision for you to have to make. He is in the best place for all of your sakes. It sounds from the other commenters that it will get better. Hugs to all of you.
I’m sorry, I know this was a tough decision for you to have to make. He is in the best place for all of your sakes. It sounds from the other commenters that it will get better. Hugs to all of you.
I’m sorry, I know this was a tough decision for you to have to make. He is in the best place for all of your sakes. It sounds from the other commenters that it will get better. Hugs to all of you.
I’m sure this is going to be a comment section overflowing with empathy for you & your family. Caring for parents is something so many of us have or will experience. You feel guilty but please don’t beat yourselves up…you’re doing exactly what Grandpa needs to keep him safe & comfortable. Please remember to take care of yourself & maybe get an extra hug & kiss from Miss E!
I’m sure this is going to be a comment section overflowing with empathy for you & your family. Caring for parents is something so many of us have or will experience. You feel guilty but please don’t beat yourselves up…you’re doing exactly what Grandpa needs to keep him safe & comfortable. Please remember to take care of yourself & maybe get an extra hug & kiss from Miss E!
I’m sure this is going to be a comment section overflowing with empathy for you & your family. Caring for parents is something so many of us have or will experience. You feel guilty but please don’t beat yourselves up…you’re doing exactly what Grandpa needs to keep him safe & comfortable. Please remember to take care of yourself & maybe get an extra hug & kiss from Miss E!
It is the hardest decision to make and heartbreaking even though it is the right thing to do. We had to do this with my mom this past year due to dementia and she would say I think im going home tomorrow and we’d say great. The hardest thing for me was giving up caring for her, being a nurse that was my calling and responsibility. I felt guilty for awhile but know it was the right thing to do. It will get better but theres always a part of saddness that is just a part of life’s journey. Be blessed through this time.
It is the hardest decision to make and heartbreaking even though it is the right thing to do. We had to do this with my mom this past year due to dementia and she would say I think im going home tomorrow and we’d say great. The hardest thing for me was giving up caring for her, being a nurse that was my calling and responsibility. I felt guilty for awhile but know it was the right thing to do. It will get better but theres always a part of saddness that is just a part of life’s journey. Be blessed through this time.
It is the hardest decision to make and heartbreaking even though it is the right thing to do. We had to do this with my mom this past year due to dementia and she would say I think im going home tomorrow and we’d say great. The hardest thing for me was giving up caring for her, being a nurse that was my calling and responsibility. I felt guilty for awhile but know it was the right thing to do. It will get better but theres always a part of saddness that is just a part of life’s journey. Be blessed through this time.
How can you not feel guilty? It is a natural emotion that so many before you also felt. My husband’s grandmom was terribly upset when they put her in a retirement community home as she did not want to leave her own home. HOWEVER…she settled in wonderfully and ended up really enjoying being among folks her age. She would then chat up about conversations she has had the activities they were doing etc. She even said, “wish I would have moved here sooner.” Her time was way to short there…but she sure loved her last days. Give it time….keep in mind that he will soon really enjoy “his age group” and stories told.
How can you not feel guilty? It is a natural emotion that so many before you also felt. My husband’s grandmom was terribly upset when they put her in a retirement community home as she did not want to leave her own home. HOWEVER…she settled in wonderfully and ended up really enjoying being among folks her age. She would then chat up about conversations she has had the activities they were doing etc. She even said, “wish I would have moved here sooner.” Her time was way to short there…but she sure loved her last days. Give it time….keep in mind that he will soon really enjoy “his age group” and stories told.
How can you not feel guilty? It is a natural emotion that so many before you also felt. My husband’s grandmom was terribly upset when they put her in a retirement community home as she did not want to leave her own home. HOWEVER…she settled in wonderfully and ended up really enjoying being among folks her age. She would then chat up about conversations she has had the activities they were doing etc. She even said, “wish I would have moved here sooner.” Her time was way to short there…but she sure loved her last days. Give it time….keep in mind that he will soon really enjoy “his age group” and stories told.
Our family was fortunate that our mom was ready to give up her apartment and accept the care of the nursing facility. Not that she was always happy there, my sweet mild mannered mother who never got mad at anyone or said a cross word about anyone, got into a fist-fight with her roommate. Just imagine two 80-something women swinging at each other from their wheelchairs. It is funny to remember but not amusing when it happened. With that said, I just want to point out that time changes everything and there is nothing you can do about it. Guilt is a false emotion.
Our family was fortunate that our mom was ready to give up her apartment and accept the care of the nursing facility. Not that she was always happy there, my sweet mild mannered mother who never got mad at anyone or said a cross word about anyone, got into a fist-fight with her roommate. Just imagine two 80-something women swinging at each other from their wheelchairs. It is funny to remember but not amusing when it happened. With that said, I just want to point out that time changes everything and there is nothing you can do about it. Guilt is a false emotion.
Our family was fortunate that our mom was ready to give up her apartment and accept the care of the nursing facility. Not that she was always happy there, my sweet mild mannered mother who never got mad at anyone or said a cross word about anyone, got into a fist-fight with her roommate. Just imagine two 80-something women swinging at each other from their wheelchairs. It is funny to remember but not amusing when it happened. With that said, I just want to point out that time changes everything and there is nothing you can do about it. Guilt is a false emotion.
Such a hard situation to be in and my heart goes out to you. We had to move my GFIL into assisted living after he had a fall in the middle of the night while living with us and ended up in the hospital. He decided he was not going to be happy there no matter how great the staff were and he resented us for putting him there. It was the only option to keep him safe (he was in his mid 90’s).
We made the best of it which was all we could do. We would let him rant or pout for a bit and then change the subject. It was really hard on my husband who bore the brunt of it. You ARE doing the right thing!
Such a hard situation to be in and my heart goes out to you. We had to move my GFIL into assisted living after he had a fall in the middle of the night while living with us and ended up in the hospital. He decided he was not going to be happy there no matter how great the staff were and he resented us for putting him there. It was the only option to keep him safe (he was in his mid 90’s).
We made the best of it which was all we could do. We would let him rant or pout for a bit and then change the subject. It was really hard on my husband who bore the brunt of it. You ARE doing the right thing!
Such a hard situation to be in and my heart goes out to you. We had to move my GFIL into assisted living after he had a fall in the middle of the night while living with us and ended up in the hospital. He decided he was not going to be happy there no matter how great the staff were and he resented us for putting him there. It was the only option to keep him safe (he was in his mid 90’s).
We made the best of it which was all we could do. We would let him rant or pout for a bit and then change the subject. It was really hard on my husband who bore the brunt of it. You ARE doing the right thing!
It will get better. My mom just moved right before Christmas. She DID NOT want to move from her home. When we began the move in process, she said, “this is where you come to die!” Ugh. She hated it! Now, a few months in, she has made friends and plans to meet them for each meal. It was so difficult in the beginning, but things changed pretty quickly. I hope the same is true for you and grandpa! Sending good thoughts to you and your family.
It will get better. My mom just moved right before Christmas. She DID NOT want to move from her home. When we began the move in process, she said, “this is where you come to die!” Ugh. She hated it! Now, a few months in, she has made friends and plans to meet them for each meal. It was so difficult in the beginning, but things changed pretty quickly. I hope the same is true for you and grandpa! Sending good thoughts to you and your family.
It will get better. My mom just moved right before Christmas. She DID NOT want to move from her home. When we began the move in process, she said, “this is where you come to die!” Ugh. She hated it! Now, a few months in, she has made friends and plans to meet them for each meal. It was so difficult in the beginning, but things changed pretty quickly. I hope the same is true for you and grandpa! Sending good thoughts to you and your family.
Hi Nicole,
As everyone else has already said. . . .it does get better. . .but it is brutal until it gets there.
My DH was taking care of his mother for a year before we met. (She was wheel chair bound and extremely diabetic).
After we decided to marry we had planned on having her live with us in my house.
She developed some kind of an infection while we were on our honeymoon & when we came back we had to take her to the hospital.
From the hospital she went to a rehab center. It was those folks that told us the exact extend of her inability to take care of herself. (Up to this point she had been pulling the wool over my DH about how much she was able to take care of herself).
Since we both work we were unable to be home to take care of her during the day. . . and she wanted nothing to do with having in home care (she said that she would not let them in even if they did come).
We were finally able to arrange for a nursing home for her since she needed to have her meds monitored since she tried to “play games” with her insulin.
At first she hated it. . .oh what she would say to try to destroy her son. It was terrible for me to watch.
But within a very short time she was in charge of movie night (oh my the number of movies that woman had!), began calling bingo, appointed herself as “Welcoming Committee” for new residents, etc. (In other words, she took over! LOL)
She was a very domineering woman right up until the end and loved, and loved by, the entire staff & residents of the nursing home.
Sending hugs to you and yours during this very difficult time.
Hi Nicole,
As everyone else has already said. . . .it does get better. . .but it is brutal until it gets there.
My DH was taking care of his mother for a year before we met. (She was wheel chair bound and extremely diabetic).
After we decided to marry we had planned on having her live with us in my house.
She developed some kind of an infection while we were on our honeymoon & when we came back we had to take her to the hospital.
From the hospital she went to a rehab center. It was those folks that told us the exact extend of her inability to take care of herself. (Up to this point she had been pulling the wool over my DH about how much she was able to take care of herself).
Since we both work we were unable to be home to take care of her during the day. . . and she wanted nothing to do with having in home care (she said that she would not let them in even if they did come).
We were finally able to arrange for a nursing home for her since she needed to have her meds monitored since she tried to “play games” with her insulin.
At first she hated it. . .oh what she would say to try to destroy her son. It was terrible for me to watch.
But within a very short time she was in charge of movie night (oh my the number of movies that woman had!), began calling bingo, appointed herself as “Welcoming Committee” for new residents, etc. (In other words, she took over! LOL)
She was a very domineering woman right up until the end and loved, and loved by, the entire staff & residents of the nursing home.
Sending hugs to you and yours during this very difficult time.
Hi Nicole,
As everyone else has already said. . . .it does get better. . .but it is brutal until it gets there.
My DH was taking care of his mother for a year before we met. (She was wheel chair bound and extremely diabetic).
After we decided to marry we had planned on having her live with us in my house.
She developed some kind of an infection while we were on our honeymoon & when we came back we had to take her to the hospital.
From the hospital she went to a rehab center. It was those folks that told us the exact extend of her inability to take care of herself. (Up to this point she had been pulling the wool over my DH about how much she was able to take care of herself).
Since we both work we were unable to be home to take care of her during the day. . . and she wanted nothing to do with having in home care (she said that she would not let them in even if they did come).
We were finally able to arrange for a nursing home for her since she needed to have her meds monitored since she tried to “play games” with her insulin.
At first she hated it. . .oh what she would say to try to destroy her son. It was terrible for me to watch.
But within a very short time she was in charge of movie night (oh my the number of movies that woman had!), began calling bingo, appointed herself as “Welcoming Committee” for new residents, etc. (In other words, she took over! LOL)
She was a very domineering woman right up until the end and loved, and loved by, the entire staff & residents of the nursing home.
Sending hugs to you and yours during this very difficult time.
Yes Nicole – it does get better. You have nothing to feel guilty about either. You know that you and your family have done your best. By making this change you really are taking care of Grandpa by realizing that you cannot do everything for him anymore. My mom used to pack her bag all the time at first. That won’t last forever. She did settle in and her last months/years were spent quite pleasantly with people who cared for and loved her. Hang in there – it will feel better with time.
Yes Nicole – it does get better. You have nothing to feel guilty about either. You know that you and your family have done your best. By making this change you really are taking care of Grandpa by realizing that you cannot do everything for him anymore. My mom used to pack her bag all the time at first. That won’t last forever. She did settle in and her last months/years were spent quite pleasantly with people who cared for and loved her. Hang in there – it will feel better with time.
Yes Nicole – it does get better. You have nothing to feel guilty about either. You know that you and your family have done your best. By making this change you really are taking care of Grandpa by realizing that you cannot do everything for him anymore. My mom used to pack her bag all the time at first. That won’t last forever. She did settle in and her last months/years were spent quite pleasantly with people who cared for and loved her. Hang in there – it will feel better with time.
I haven’t been there, in your situation, yet. I feel for you though and know it must be hard. You have tons of support out here!
I haven’t been there, in your situation, yet. I feel for you though and know it must be hard. You have tons of support out here!
I haven’t been there, in your situation, yet. I feel for you though and know it must be hard. You have tons of support out here!
Please don’t feel guilty. You are doing what’s best because you all love him so!
Please don’t feel guilty. You are doing what’s best because you all love him so!
Please don’t feel guilty. You are doing what’s best because you all love him so!
Hi Nicole, Our family hasn’t had to do that yet. My Dad passed away from a very brief illness, Mom, MIL and FIL are still doing well… so we haven’t experienced a care facility like you are describing. Sending a virtual hug to you and your family to help!
Hi Nicole, Our family hasn’t had to do that yet. My Dad passed away from a very brief illness, Mom, MIL and FIL are still doing well… so we haven’t experienced a care facility like you are describing. Sending a virtual hug to you and your family to help!
Hi Nicole, Our family hasn’t had to do that yet. My Dad passed away from a very brief illness, Mom, MIL and FIL are still doing well… so we haven’t experienced a care facility like you are describing. Sending a virtual hug to you and your family to help!
I just did this with my parents three years ago. I could write volumes about it. Suffice it to say that it was the best thing to do for all of us. The good news is we all live longer these days. The bad news is we all live longer these days and sometimes require extra help. What a blessing that you’ve been able to do so much for so long.
It is so hard emotionally to do this, but it will get better. My heart goes out to you.
I just did this with my parents three years ago. I could write volumes about it. Suffice it to say that it was the best thing to do for all of us. The good news is we all live longer these days. The bad news is we all live longer these days and sometimes require extra help. What a blessing that you’ve been able to do so much for so long.
It is so hard emotionally to do this, but it will get better. My heart goes out to you.
I just did this with my parents three years ago. I could write volumes about it. Suffice it to say that it was the best thing to do for all of us. The good news is we all live longer these days. The bad news is we all live longer these days and sometimes require extra help. What a blessing that you’ve been able to do so much for so long.
It is so hard emotionally to do this, but it will get better. My heart goes out to you.
Everyone has said it so well. I have tears knowing what you are going through as I experienced it as well. The only advice I can give is to show your dad you love him and always treat him as a parent, not as your child. Of course you have to make decisions for him, but he needs to feel respected and that his opinion matters, since he is losing so much control over matters in his life. I was with my father when he took his last breath, and I have no regrets for the decisions we made as I know they were the best we could do for him…..but it was so very hard. My prayers are with you.
Everyone has said it so well. I have tears knowing what you are going through as I experienced it as well. The only advice I can give is to show your dad you love him and always treat him as a parent, not as your child. Of course you have to make decisions for him, but he needs to feel respected and that his opinion matters, since he is losing so much control over matters in his life. I was with my father when he took his last breath, and I have no regrets for the decisions we made as I know they were the best we could do for him…..but it was so very hard. My prayers are with you.
Everyone has said it so well. I have tears knowing what you are going through as I experienced it as well. The only advice I can give is to show your dad you love him and always treat him as a parent, not as your child. Of course you have to make decisions for him, but he needs to feel respected and that his opinion matters, since he is losing so much control over matters in his life. I was with my father when he took his last breath, and I have no regrets for the decisions we made as I know they were the best we could do for him…..but it was so very hard. My prayers are with you.
My husband has a 97yr old Aunt who had been living at home alone with no close family support (no children & my husband & his sister living miles away) with dementia for a good few years. Last May she fell down the stairs & broke her wrist. She was in hospital for a while & then a nursing home. All the while she was very vocal about going home, so much so last month she was taken home for a morning. She didn’t recognise the house and asked to go home!, she has lived there in excess of 50yrs. We knew it wasn’t the right thing for her to return home but the authorities had to satisfy themselves that her being in a care home is the right thing. She is actually quite settled in the care home and is well looked after and remains physically well.
Also my Dad is physically ill and is beginning to start with a vascular dementia. My Mum & I have talked about the possibility of him going in a home when Mum & I can no longer give him the care he needs. It will be awful but it will be the right thing, for him & my Mum.
You have done the right thing, unfortunately not every old person is able to die at home. Many need more care than can be given at home. Having worked in care homes as an RN for 20 years i have seen these scenarios more times than I care to remember.
You now get the good times with him without having to worry about his physical care and whether he is well or not.
Take care & enjoy your Grand-daughter!
My husband has a 97yr old Aunt who had been living at home alone with no close family support (no children & my husband & his sister living miles away) with dementia for a good few years. Last May she fell down the stairs & broke her wrist. She was in hospital for a while & then a nursing home. All the while she was very vocal about going home, so much so last month she was taken home for a morning. She didn’t recognise the house and asked to go home!, she has lived there in excess of 50yrs. We knew it wasn’t the right thing for her to return home but the authorities had to satisfy themselves that her being in a care home is the right thing. She is actually quite settled in the care home and is well looked after and remains physically well.
Also my Dad is physically ill and is beginning to start with a vascular dementia. My Mum & I have talked about the possibility of him going in a home when Mum & I can no longer give him the care he needs. It will be awful but it will be the right thing, for him & my Mum.
You have done the right thing, unfortunately not every old person is able to die at home. Many need more care than can be given at home. Having worked in care homes as an RN for 20 years i have seen these scenarios more times than I care to remember.
You now get the good times with him without having to worry about his physical care and whether he is well or not.
Take care & enjoy your Grand-daughter!
My husband has a 97yr old Aunt who had been living at home alone with no close family support (no children & my husband & his sister living miles away) with dementia for a good few years. Last May she fell down the stairs & broke her wrist. She was in hospital for a while & then a nursing home. All the while she was very vocal about going home, so much so last month she was taken home for a morning. She didn’t recognise the house and asked to go home!, she has lived there in excess of 50yrs. We knew it wasn’t the right thing for her to return home but the authorities had to satisfy themselves that her being in a care home is the right thing. She is actually quite settled in the care home and is well looked after and remains physically well.
Also my Dad is physically ill and is beginning to start with a vascular dementia. My Mum & I have talked about the possibility of him going in a home when Mum & I can no longer give him the care he needs. It will be awful but it will be the right thing, for him & my Mum.
You have done the right thing, unfortunately not every old person is able to die at home. Many need more care than can be given at home. Having worked in care homes as an RN for 20 years i have seen these scenarios more times than I care to remember.
You now get the good times with him without having to worry about his physical care and whether he is well or not.
Take care & enjoy your Grand-daughter!
Am sorry to hear of Grandpa’s decline. Yes, we have been thru this with my mom. It is difficult and tugs at your heart. But it does improve . You have done all you can do. Comes a point in time it is out of your hands. Caregiving is exhausting and it does take a toll, wearing one out. ( all your colds). 🙁 We can’t always please our parent’s wishes, unfortunately. Take care and try not to feel guilty.
Hugs,
Beverly from WA state
Am sorry to hear of Grandpa’s decline. Yes, we have been thru this with my mom. It is difficult and tugs at your heart. But it does improve . You have done all you can do. Comes a point in time it is out of your hands. Caregiving is exhausting and it does take a toll, wearing one out. ( all your colds). 🙁 We can’t always please our parent’s wishes, unfortunately. Take care and try not to feel guilty.
Hugs,
Beverly from WA state
Am sorry to hear of Grandpa’s decline. Yes, we have been thru this with my mom. It is difficult and tugs at your heart. But it does improve . You have done all you can do. Comes a point in time it is out of your hands. Caregiving is exhausting and it does take a toll, wearing one out. ( all your colds). 🙁 We can’t always please our parent’s wishes, unfortunately. Take care and try not to feel guilty.
Hugs,
Beverly from WA state
Very tough decision. Hope your father can find a friend in the nursing home for some company and to help settle him in. You have my prayers.
Very tough decision. Hope your father can find a friend in the nursing home for some company and to help settle him in. You have my prayers.
Very tough decision. Hope your father can find a friend in the nursing home for some company and to help settle him in. You have my prayers.
Golly Nicole I am so sorry. It is a tough time for a family. Seems life always gives us the could of, should of, would of questions. It sounds like you have done an outstanding job and gone as far as you can yourself. Knowing when to get help is important. I hope the transition gets easier for you all.
Golly Nicole I am so sorry. It is a tough time for a family. Seems life always gives us the could of, should of, would of questions. It sounds like you have done an outstanding job and gone as far as you can yourself. Knowing when to get help is important. I hope the transition gets easier for you all.
Golly Nicole I am so sorry. It is a tough time for a family. Seems life always gives us the could of, should of, would of questions. It sounds like you have done an outstanding job and gone as far as you can yourself. Knowing when to get help is important. I hope the transition gets easier for you all.
Having been there, Yes, it does get better. At some point in time, you have to decide what is best for the patient and the caregiver. Dementia is a family’s disease and not the patient. It is so hard to see family members return to their childhood ways – once a man and twice a child. Take each day at a time and don’t let the “what ifs” control your thoughts. Wishing you and your family all the best.
Having been there, Yes, it does get better. At some point in time, you have to decide what is best for the patient and the caregiver. Dementia is a family’s disease and not the patient. It is so hard to see family members return to their childhood ways – once a man and twice a child. Take each day at a time and don’t let the “what ifs” control your thoughts. Wishing you and your family all the best.
Having been there, Yes, it does get better. At some point in time, you have to decide what is best for the patient and the caregiver. Dementia is a family’s disease and not the patient. It is so hard to see family members return to their childhood ways – once a man and twice a child. Take each day at a time and don’t let the “what ifs” control your thoughts. Wishing you and your family all the best.
Yes, it will get better. He will adjust over time. And you will stop feeling so guilty, seeing how well-cared for he is. And you will stop worrying, because you’ll know that he’s safe. You did all you could to keep him in his home as long as possible. That was a gift. Now it’s time for the next phase. We moved my MIL into a senior’s residence several years ago, when she could no longer be alone in her own home. It was a long, difficult transition, but she came to accept it. And a year ago we had to move her to a long-term care facility. She adjusted pretty quickly this time, and is content (well, except for all the old people that are there, which bugs her to no end 🙂 You’ve done what needed to be done, and although difficult, it is the right thing. So be strong, keep visiting and loving him, and gather strength from the support of all your loyal readers.
Yes, it will get better. He will adjust over time. And you will stop feeling so guilty, seeing how well-cared for he is. And you will stop worrying, because you’ll know that he’s safe. You did all you could to keep him in his home as long as possible. That was a gift. Now it’s time for the next phase. We moved my MIL into a senior’s residence several years ago, when she could no longer be alone in her own home. It was a long, difficult transition, but she came to accept it. And a year ago we had to move her to a long-term care facility. She adjusted pretty quickly this time, and is content (well, except for all the old people that are there, which bugs her to no end 🙂 You’ve done what needed to be done, and although difficult, it is the right thing. So be strong, keep visiting and loving him, and gather strength from the support of all your loyal readers.
Yes, it will get better. He will adjust over time. And you will stop feeling so guilty, seeing how well-cared for he is. And you will stop worrying, because you’ll know that he’s safe. You did all you could to keep him in his home as long as possible. That was a gift. Now it’s time for the next phase. We moved my MIL into a senior’s residence several years ago, when she could no longer be alone in her own home. It was a long, difficult transition, but she came to accept it. And a year ago we had to move her to a long-term care facility. She adjusted pretty quickly this time, and is content (well, except for all the old people that are there, which bugs her to no end 🙂 You’ve done what needed to be done, and although difficult, it is the right thing. So be strong, keep visiting and loving him, and gather strength from the support of all your loyal readers.
I dont know if better is the word. It is different and you become accustomed. My grandma had Alzheimers and at first she kept trying to walk home. Then she had to be put in a secure wing. She spent 10 years there. We all visited but she knew no one at the end. You just have to remember You ARE doing what is best and SAFE for him. He would not want you to feel guilt. It is the natural order of life and it seems you have been amazing to him so far.
I dont know if better is the word. It is different and you become accustomed. My grandma had Alzheimers and at first she kept trying to walk home. Then she had to be put in a secure wing. She spent 10 years there. We all visited but she knew no one at the end. You just have to remember You ARE doing what is best and SAFE for him. He would not want you to feel guilt. It is the natural order of life and it seems you have been amazing to him so far.
I dont know if better is the word. It is different and you become accustomed. My grandma had Alzheimers and at first she kept trying to walk home. Then she had to be put in a secure wing. She spent 10 years there. We all visited but she knew no one at the end. You just have to remember You ARE doing what is best and SAFE for him. He would not want you to feel guilt. It is the natural order of life and it seems you have been amazing to him so far.
My father was put in a nursing facility 3 years ago. I live 17 hours away and feel guilty every day. My mother could no loner care for him after his stroke affected his reasoning abilities and he would walk out of the house at any hour of the day or night and be found walking down the middle of the street almost naked. He asks every visit for us to take him home.
Moma passed away in April. I guess everything is still too new to me, but I don’t think it gets easier. Daddy still wants to go home. He wants to see Moma. I live so far away and only get home about 6 times a year. My sisters have it much harder than I do as they live in the same town and have to hear him plead each week.
I know the mixed feelings you have. You know in your head he needs the care he will receive at the facility. You know you can no longer give him that care. The best place for him to be is there, but you feel as though you are failing him. You aren’t. Our hearts are so full of love and emotions that at times like these we need to listen to our heads.
I’ll pray for you and your family as you are brought to my mind. I understand.
My father was put in a nursing facility 3 years ago. I live 17 hours away and feel guilty every day. My mother could no loner care for him after his stroke affected his reasoning abilities and he would walk out of the house at any hour of the day or night and be found walking down the middle of the street almost naked. He asks every visit for us to take him home.
Moma passed away in April. I guess everything is still too new to me, but I don’t think it gets easier. Daddy still wants to go home. He wants to see Moma. I live so far away and only get home about 6 times a year. My sisters have it much harder than I do as they live in the same town and have to hear him plead each week.
I know the mixed feelings you have. You know in your head he needs the care he will receive at the facility. You know you can no longer give him that care. The best place for him to be is there, but you feel as though you are failing him. You aren’t. Our hearts are so full of love and emotions that at times like these we need to listen to our heads.
I’ll pray for you and your family as you are brought to my mind. I understand.
My father was put in a nursing facility 3 years ago. I live 17 hours away and feel guilty every day. My mother could no loner care for him after his stroke affected his reasoning abilities and he would walk out of the house at any hour of the day or night and be found walking down the middle of the street almost naked. He asks every visit for us to take him home.
Moma passed away in April. I guess everything is still too new to me, but I don’t think it gets easier. Daddy still wants to go home. He wants to see Moma. I live so far away and only get home about 6 times a year. My sisters have it much harder than I do as they live in the same town and have to hear him plead each week.
I know the mixed feelings you have. You know in your head he needs the care he will receive at the facility. You know you can no longer give him that care. The best place for him to be is there, but you feel as though you are failing him. You aren’t. Our hearts are so full of love and emotions that at times like these we need to listen to our heads.
I’ll pray for you and your family as you are brought to my mind. I understand.
It will absolutely get better, relatively speaking, of course! I work as a CNA and the first 2 weeks are known for being like this. It is a huge change for everyone and it is painful–for everyone! I know you feel guilty. Just try to remember that the “best” for Grandpa is getting the care that he needs. I know the struggles that you have gone through to show him that he is loved and cared for by his family. Now it is time to let the professionals care for him. You are still there to love him. Now they are there to care for his serious and important medical needs. Being at home is not “best” (or even possible, physically, financially, medically, etc.) for him at this point in his life, however much we wish it could be so. Transitions are scary for everyone, at any stage of life. This is another one. Breathe deeply and try to be kind to yourself. We all wish we had such a loving daughter-in-law to take care of us at the end of our days!
It will absolutely get better, relatively speaking, of course! I work as a CNA and the first 2 weeks are known for being like this. It is a huge change for everyone and it is painful–for everyone! I know you feel guilty. Just try to remember that the “best” for Grandpa is getting the care that he needs. I know the struggles that you have gone through to show him that he is loved and cared for by his family. Now it is time to let the professionals care for him. You are still there to love him. Now they are there to care for his serious and important medical needs. Being at home is not “best” (or even possible, physically, financially, medically, etc.) for him at this point in his life, however much we wish it could be so. Transitions are scary for everyone, at any stage of life. This is another one. Breathe deeply and try to be kind to yourself. We all wish we had such a loving daughter-in-law to take care of us at the end of our days!
It will absolutely get better, relatively speaking, of course! I work as a CNA and the first 2 weeks are known for being like this. It is a huge change for everyone and it is painful–for everyone! I know you feel guilty. Just try to remember that the “best” for Grandpa is getting the care that he needs. I know the struggles that you have gone through to show him that he is loved and cared for by his family. Now it is time to let the professionals care for him. You are still there to love him. Now they are there to care for his serious and important medical needs. Being at home is not “best” (or even possible, physically, financially, medically, etc.) for him at this point in his life, however much we wish it could be so. Transitions are scary for everyone, at any stage of life. This is another one. Breathe deeply and try to be kind to yourself. We all wish we had such a loving daughter-in-law to take care of us at the end of our days!
I had to place my mother in an Aged Care Facility because of advanced dementia, and I felt so guilty for doing so. She was there for 2 1/2 years (she passed away last June) and I went to see her every day. The only thing that helped was knowing that she was being cared for so well and so lovingly by the wonderful staff at the Facility. That helped so much. It is such a hard thing to do, but we don’t always have a choice. My thoughts are with you and your husband.
I had to place my mother in an Aged Care Facility because of advanced dementia, and I felt so guilty for doing so. She was there for 2 1/2 years (she passed away last June) and I went to see her every day. The only thing that helped was knowing that she was being cared for so well and so lovingly by the wonderful staff at the Facility. That helped so much. It is such a hard thing to do, but we don’t always have a choice. My thoughts are with you and your husband.
I had to place my mother in an Aged Care Facility because of advanced dementia, and I felt so guilty for doing so. She was there for 2 1/2 years (she passed away last June) and I went to see her every day. The only thing that helped was knowing that she was being cared for so well and so lovingly by the wonderful staff at the Facility. That helped so much. It is such a hard thing to do, but we don’t always have a choice. My thoughts are with you and your husband.
Yes, it does get better. We’ve dealt with my mom’s Alzheimer’s for 20 years (really!). I hate to admit it, but the best way I handled the ‘can I go home with you’ was to tell her I would be back to get her later.
It is so heartbreaking to have to go through this, and knowing what I’ve been through makes me ache for you. Hang in there.
Yes, it does get better. We’ve dealt with my mom’s Alzheimer’s for 20 years (really!). I hate to admit it, but the best way I handled the ‘can I go home with you’ was to tell her I would be back to get her later.
It is so heartbreaking to have to go through this, and knowing what I’ve been through makes me ache for you. Hang in there.
Yes, it does get better. We’ve dealt with my mom’s Alzheimer’s for 20 years (really!). I hate to admit it, but the best way I handled the ‘can I go home with you’ was to tell her I would be back to get her later.
It is so heartbreaking to have to go through this, and knowing what I’ve been through makes me ache for you. Hang in there.
Oh, my heart goes out to you. As my Dad said to me about my father-in-law, you’ve done all you can, now that he’s in care he’s in the best place. Hugs to you.
Oh, my heart goes out to you. As my Dad said to me about my father-in-law, you’ve done all you can, now that he’s in care he’s in the best place. Hugs to you.
Oh, my heart goes out to you. As my Dad said to me about my father-in-law, you’ve done all you can, now that he’s in care he’s in the best place. Hugs to you.
Such a difficult decision for a family and certainly not an easy one for grandpa. Bless his heart. As hard as it is… there just comes a point where there is really no other choice in order for him to have the best care possible.
Such a difficult decision for a family and certainly not an easy one for grandpa. Bless his heart. As hard as it is… there just comes a point where there is really no other choice in order for him to have the best care possible.
Such a difficult decision for a family and certainly not an easy one for grandpa. Bless his heart. As hard as it is… there just comes a point where there is really no other choice in order for him to have the best care possible.
It was better for my mom to be in a care facility, but you couldn’t have convinced her of that. Now we have my Father in law living with us. He cannot see or hear well so there is nothing he can do to entertain himself. A care facility would be a little better as they have activities like music which he loves. No matter what you do, it is just plain hard. We haven’t had any time away for quite some time as there is no one to take over and no money to put him in a care facility. Your guy is in a good place and will benefit from it greatly. Try not to feel guilt, but I know it is hard not to.
It was better for my mom to be in a care facility, but you couldn’t have convinced her of that. Now we have my Father in law living with us. He cannot see or hear well so there is nothing he can do to entertain himself. A care facility would be a little better as they have activities like music which he loves. No matter what you do, it is just plain hard. We haven’t had any time away for quite some time as there is no one to take over and no money to put him in a care facility. Your guy is in a good place and will benefit from it greatly. Try not to feel guilt, but I know it is hard not to.
It was better for my mom to be in a care facility, but you couldn’t have convinced her of that. Now we have my Father in law living with us. He cannot see or hear well so there is nothing he can do to entertain himself. A care facility would be a little better as they have activities like music which he loves. No matter what you do, it is just plain hard. We haven’t had any time away for quite some time as there is no one to take over and no money to put him in a care facility. Your guy is in a good place and will benefit from it greatly. Try not to feel guilt, but I know it is hard not to.
It’s a hard time for you. It gets a little easier as time passes. My thoughts are with you and your family xxx
It’s a hard time for you. It gets a little easier as time passes. My thoughts are with you and your family xxx
It’s a hard time for you. It gets a little easier as time passes. My thoughts are with you and your family xxx