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A Death In the Family

Death_Lily

I had a death in my family last week.

The person who passed away was a favorite aunt.  The younger sister of my mother, a woman who was known for her thoughtfulness, generosity, and love of family.   Pretty much the same attributes my mom was known and beloved for.  My mom was this favorite aunt's older sister. 

This aunt had traveled thousands of miles in the past to attend weddings, funerals and other occasions of import that involved my family, so there was no way I was going to pass on attending her services, even if they were going to be held near Detroit in the month of January, during the worst winter temperatures the nation has seen in decades.

I was asked to speak at her memorial services, something that honored me, as well as alarmed me.  Well, maybe alarmed is too strong a word.  Being a previous kindergarten teacher, speaking in front of others has never been much of an issue for me. In fact, be very hopeful that if I am to speak in front of your group, that I don't launch into a rousing rendition of "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes".  It could happen.  My inhibition level is a bit lower than the general population.

I was at a bit of a loss as to just how to address the congregation at the memorial services.  Specifically, my goal was to prepare some remarks that would comfort my cousins, who sat bereft in the front row at the funeral home.  The afternoon before the services, I wandered off on my own, trying to collect my thoughts, remembering  the common thread that brought both my mother and my recently departed aunt together.  Both women grew up to value their families above all else.  My own mom started a tradition of having a Sunday dinner for the immediate family. This Sunday dinner went on for decades, and believe me, if you were a regular and had to miss, let's just say  a doctor's letter excusing you for a missed meal was just a starting point for setting things right with  my mom.  Mom died in 2004, and we still gather around that Sunday dinner table every week. 

Losing my mother was certainly one of the most difficult things my family has yet to experience.  One thing that has given me comfort since that dark day of her passing, that I wanted to share with my bereaved cousins, is that I have never felt that my mother has completely left us.  Certainly, she visits me often in my memories and dreams.  But I continue to see her constantly in my sisters, my nieces, my daughter, and in a new generation of grandchildren. Certainly, she is not gone, and this is a great comfort to me.   A certain toss of the head, a quick smile or laugh, the way they cross their legs or tell a story- I see her in my family members regularly.  She is in all of us still, and is plain to see in every minute of every day.  My belief is that if my cousins carry on my aunt's love of family, cherished traditions and the deep affection she felt for each and every member of her family, that they will feel her love and influence as long as they all shall live.

 

114 responses to “A Death In the Family”

  1. This is a wonderful eulogy to both your Aunt and your mother – I am sure your words gave much comfort to your cousins and family at your funeral. I agree that it is by going on living and remembering happy times that we keep the essence of a much-missed relative within us even many many years later xxx

  2. This is a wonderful eulogy to both your Aunt and your mother – I am sure your words gave much comfort to your cousins and family at your funeral. I agree that it is by going on living and remembering happy times that we keep the essence of a much-missed relative within us even many many years later xxx

  3. This is a wonderful eulogy to both your Aunt and your mother – I am sure your words gave much comfort to your cousins and family at your funeral. I agree that it is by going on living and remembering happy times that we keep the essence of a much-missed relative within us even many many years later xxx

  4. I am so sorry for you, I remember the post on one of the times you visited her. Hard for you.

  5. I am so sorry for you, I remember the post on one of the times you visited her. Hard for you.

  6. I am so sorry for you, I remember the post on one of the times you visited her. Hard for you.

  10. So sorry for your loss and yes, they never leave us. Your eulogy was warm and comforting I think and am sure heart felt by all.

  11. So sorry for your loss and yes, they never leave us. Your eulogy was warm and comforting I think and am sure heart felt by all.

  12. So sorry for your loss and yes, they never leave us. Your eulogy was warm and comforting I think and am sure heart felt by all.

  13. A beautifully written post that so well describes how many of us feel after the loss of our mothers.

  14. A beautifully written post that so well describes how many of us feel after the loss of our mothers.

  15. A beautifully written post that so well describes how many of us feel after the loss of our mothers.

  19. I am so sorry for your loss. You write of your aunt and your mother so beautifully. What a wonderful eulogy and such a comfort it must have been to your family. I don’t think our family ever leaves us but remain a presence with us till we leave o join them. Take care.

  20. I am so sorry for your loss. You write of your aunt and your mother so beautifully. What a wonderful eulogy and such a comfort it must have been to your family. I don’t think our family ever leaves us but remain a presence with us till we leave o join them. Take care.

  21. I am so sorry for your loss. You write of your aunt and your mother so beautifully. What a wonderful eulogy and such a comfort it must have been to your family. I don’t think our family ever leaves us but remain a presence with us till we leave o join them. Take care.

  25. What a wonderful, loving tribute to your dear aunt, your mother, your family, and the ties that bind you to one another – and always will.
    I also lost sweet my mother in 2004 but she’d had Alzheimer’s so had been going for several years and I could not help but feel happy that she was no longer so lost.
    Big hugs!

  26. What a wonderful, loving tribute to your dear aunt, your mother, your family, and the ties that bind you to one another – and always will.
    I also lost sweet my mother in 2004 but she’d had Alzheimer’s so had been going for several years and I could not help but feel happy that she was no longer so lost.
    Big hugs!

  27. What a wonderful, loving tribute to your dear aunt, your mother, your family, and the ties that bind you to one another – and always will.
    I also lost sweet my mother in 2004 but she’d had Alzheimer’s so had been going for several years and I could not help but feel happy that she was no longer so lost.
    Big hugs!

  31. So sorry for your loss. Beautiful words. I believe our memories keep thier spirits alive and it’s those memories that keep us connected.
    My father passed away last October from liver cancer. The good Lord took him quickly so he didn’t suffer long. He’s still in my memory and thoughts. Watching him pass away was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
    Take care.

  32. So sorry for your loss. Beautiful words. I believe our memories keep thier spirits alive and it’s those memories that keep us connected.
    My father passed away last October from liver cancer. The good Lord took him quickly so he didn’t suffer long. He’s still in my memory and thoughts. Watching him pass away was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
    Take care.

  33. So sorry for your loss. Beautiful words. I believe our memories keep thier spirits alive and it’s those memories that keep us connected.
    My father passed away last October from liver cancer. The good Lord took him quickly so he didn’t suffer long. He’s still in my memory and thoughts. Watching him pass away was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
    Take care.

  37. Lovely, Nicole. So simply put, but with plenty of heartfelt emotion. I am so sorry for your loss. I’m an Ohioan, and we were plenty cold here, but I know Michigan had much worse conditions. Thankfully you managed it all.

  38. Lovely, Nicole. So simply put, but with plenty of heartfelt emotion. I am so sorry for your loss. I’m an Ohioan, and we were plenty cold here, but I know Michigan had much worse conditions. Thankfully you managed it all.

  39. Lovely, Nicole. So simply put, but with plenty of heartfelt emotion. I am so sorry for your loss. I’m an Ohioan, and we were plenty cold here, but I know Michigan had much worse conditions. Thankfully you managed it all.

  40. You touch our hearts and our minds Nicole. God Bless you and your thoughtfulness. G

  41. You touch our hearts and our minds Nicole. God Bless you and your thoughtfulness. G

  42. You touch our hearts and our minds Nicole. God Bless you and your thoughtfulness. G

  43. I’m so sorry for your loss. Sounds like she was a great woman and had a lot of love in her life. Hugs to you all.

  44. I’m so sorry for your loss. Sounds like she was a great woman and had a lot of love in her life. Hugs to you all.

  45. I’m so sorry for your loss. Sounds like she was a great woman and had a lot of love in her life. Hugs to you all.

  46. So sorry for your loss, Nicole. I am sure you did a wonderful job speaking at your Aunt’s funeral and were a great comfort to your cousins. I can just tell from you blog post. Hugs

  47. So sorry for your loss, Nicole. I am sure you did a wonderful job speaking at your Aunt’s funeral and were a great comfort to your cousins. I can just tell from you blog post. Hugs

  48. So sorry for your loss, Nicole. I am sure you did a wonderful job speaking at your Aunt’s funeral and were a great comfort to your cousins. I can just tell from you blog post. Hugs

  52. Lovely thoughts and much appreciated by all of us who have lost loved ones. Thanks for these words…I needed them today. My sympathies to you and your family.

  53. Lovely thoughts and much appreciated by all of us who have lost loved ones. Thanks for these words…I needed them today. My sympathies to you and your family.

  54. Lovely thoughts and much appreciated by all of us who have lost loved ones. Thanks for these words…I needed them today. My sympathies to you and your family.

  55. Such heart-warming memories and stories of your aunt and mother. God bless you and your cousins and other family members during this difficult time. Hugs to you!

  56. Such heart-warming memories and stories of your aunt and mother. God bless you and your cousins and other family members during this difficult time. Hugs to you!

  57. Such heart-warming memories and stories of your aunt and mother. God bless you and your cousins and other family members during this difficult time. Hugs to you!

  58. This is so sweet Nicole. I know your words were a great comfort to your extended family members. I lost my MIL and a beloved aunt within two days of each other a year and half ago. Oh how I miss them SO much. This aunt stood in the place of my own mother who died when I was in my 20’s. She had no children of her own, so she adopted all of the nieces and nephews. I am so glad you were able to attend your aunt’s funeral and share a bit of your heart with the loved ones.

  59. This is so sweet Nicole. I know your words were a great comfort to your extended family members. I lost my MIL and a beloved aunt within two days of each other a year and half ago. Oh how I miss them SO much. This aunt stood in the place of my own mother who died when I was in my 20’s. She had no children of her own, so she adopted all of the nieces and nephews. I am so glad you were able to attend your aunt’s funeral and share a bit of your heart with the loved ones.

  60. This is so sweet Nicole. I know your words were a great comfort to your extended family members. I lost my MIL and a beloved aunt within two days of each other a year and half ago. Oh how I miss them SO much. This aunt stood in the place of my own mother who died when I was in my 20’s. She had no children of her own, so she adopted all of the nieces and nephews. I am so glad you were able to attend your aunt’s funeral and share a bit of your heart with the loved ones.

  64. A wonderful tribute, Nicole, to your Aunt as well as your Mother. My mom will be 91 and not a day goes by that I think about losing her and how strange it will feel to have her gone. However, like you said, they are never really gone.

  65. A wonderful tribute, Nicole, to your Aunt as well as your Mother. My mom will be 91 and not a day goes by that I think about losing her and how strange it will feel to have her gone. However, like you said, they are never really gone.

  66. A wonderful tribute, Nicole, to your Aunt as well as your Mother. My mom will be 91 and not a day goes by that I think about losing her and how strange it will feel to have her gone. However, like you said, they are never really gone.

  67. That is such a warm & comforting tribute to your beloved mother & aunt. You are so lucky to have wonderful traditions for your family to continue & pass on to the next generations. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with your readers during a sad time. Best to you as your family heals.

  68. That is such a warm & comforting tribute to your beloved mother & aunt. You are so lucky to have wonderful traditions for your family to continue & pass on to the next generations. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with your readers during a sad time. Best to you as your family heals.

  69. That is such a warm & comforting tribute to your beloved mother & aunt. You are so lucky to have wonderful traditions for your family to continue & pass on to the next generations. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with your readers during a sad time. Best to you as your family heals.

  70. I’m sure your Aunt – and Mom – would have been pleased at the beautiful tribute. I hope it comforts your cousins and everyone who knew and loved her at this difficult time.
    Take good care.

  71. I’m sure your Aunt – and Mom – would have been pleased at the beautiful tribute. I hope it comforts your cousins and everyone who knew and loved her at this difficult time.
    Take good care.

  72. I’m sure your Aunt – and Mom – would have been pleased at the beautiful tribute. I hope it comforts your cousins and everyone who knew and loved her at this difficult time.
    Take good care.

  76. We live on in the hearts and minds of those who loved us. These bonds are never broken. I was very moved by your gracious words.

  77. We live on in the hearts and minds of those who loved us. These bonds are never broken. I was very moved by your gracious words.

  78. We live on in the hearts and minds of those who loved us. These bonds are never broken. I was very moved by your gracious words.

  79. Shared so beautifully. I am certain that those words must have been a great comfort to the family and friends gathered for the service. I am sorry for your loss.

  80. Shared so beautifully. I am certain that those words must have been a great comfort to the family and friends gathered for the service. I am sorry for your loss.

  81. Shared so beautifully. I am certain that those words must have been a great comfort to the family and friends gathered for the service. I am sorry for your loss.

  85. I was so sorry to read of your family’s loss recently. Your post was beautifully written and was great encouragement. Made me smile as I read it, thinking of my own mom and was sweet reminders for me as I thought of seeing those parts of my own mom around me, too. Thank you for sharing! ;O) You made me smile and nod my head, ‘yes’, as I read.

  86. I was so sorry to read of your family’s loss recently. Your post was beautifully written and was great encouragement. Made me smile as I read it, thinking of my own mom and was sweet reminders for me as I thought of seeing those parts of my own mom around me, too. Thank you for sharing! ;O) You made me smile and nod my head, ‘yes’, as I read.

  87. I was so sorry to read of your family’s loss recently. Your post was beautifully written and was great encouragement. Made me smile as I read it, thinking of my own mom and was sweet reminders for me as I thought of seeing those parts of my own mom around me, too. Thank you for sharing! ;O) You made me smile and nod my head, ‘yes’, as I read.

  88. So beautifully said. I’m sure those thoughts and words were a great comfort to your cousins. They are also an inspiration and a reminder for all of us. Thank you.
    And congratulations on your 1500th post! Wow! That’s a real accomplishment — and such a pleasure for all your readers. Thank you. And please, carry on!

  89. So beautifully said. I’m sure those thoughts and words were a great comfort to your cousins. They are also an inspiration and a reminder for all of us. Thank you.
    And congratulations on your 1500th post! Wow! That’s a real accomplishment — and such a pleasure for all your readers. Thank you. And please, carry on!

  90. So beautifully said. I’m sure those thoughts and words were a great comfort to your cousins. They are also an inspiration and a reminder for all of us. Thank you.
    And congratulations on your 1500th post! Wow! That’s a real accomplishment — and such a pleasure for all your readers. Thank you. And please, carry on!

  91. I’m sorry to hear about your Aunt. I’m sure your cousins were comforted by your words and the obvious love you had for your Aunt.

  92. I’m sorry to hear about your Aunt. I’m sure your cousins were comforted by your words and the obvious love you had for your Aunt.

  93. I’m sorry to hear about your Aunt. I’m sure your cousins were comforted by your words and the obvious love you had for your Aunt.

  97. Oh Nicole,
    So sorry about your aunt. I know your kind and thoughtful words honored her and comforted her family. I see my MIL in my daughter all the time and it is a wonderful thing.
    Gloria

  98. Oh Nicole,
    So sorry about your aunt. I know your kind and thoughtful words honored her and comforted her family. I see my MIL in my daughter all the time and it is a wonderful thing.
    Gloria

  99. Oh Nicole,
    So sorry about your aunt. I know your kind and thoughtful words honored her and comforted her family. I see my MIL in my daughter all the time and it is a wonderful thing.
    Gloria

  100. That’s very nice. Love the story of Sunday dinner. When my son was in Denmark it was Friday dinner and there wasn’t any excuse big enough to be late or not be there.

  101. That’s very nice. Love the story of Sunday dinner. When my son was in Denmark it was Friday dinner and there wasn’t any excuse big enough to be late or not be there.

  102. That’s very nice. Love the story of Sunday dinner. When my son was in Denmark it was Friday dinner and there wasn’t any excuse big enough to be late or not be there.

  103. You did a great job on your reflection and comfort to the cousins. I come from a close family and although we aren’t in the danger zone yet for having our parents pass away due to age … the time will come and I will keep these comments in mind. They are so true.

  104. You did a great job on your reflection and comfort to the cousins. I come from a close family and although we aren’t in the danger zone yet for having our parents pass away due to age … the time will come and I will keep these comments in mind. They are so true.

  105. You did a great job on your reflection and comfort to the cousins. I come from a close family and although we aren’t in the danger zone yet for having our parents pass away due to age … the time will come and I will keep these comments in mind. They are so true.

  106. How beautiful and true! Our memories are our constant blessing. Two years after my Mother passed our family was blessed with her great grandson that looks so much like her and carries her father’s name.

  107. How beautiful and true! Our memories are our constant blessing. Two years after my Mother passed our family was blessed with her great grandson that looks so much like her and carries her father’s name.

  108. How beautiful and true! Our memories are our constant blessing. Two years after my Mother passed our family was blessed with her great grandson that looks so much like her and carries her father’s name.